Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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