I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
