I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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