I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
