she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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