WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
