haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
