She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize