At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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