so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
