Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
