I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
