Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
