i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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