Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
