Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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