I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
PANTIES FOUND
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