I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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