I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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