I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My ass is underappreciated
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
