worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
