Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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