Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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