Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
