never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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