Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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