I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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