Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Randomize
