Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
