Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
