I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
