This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just high enough for therapy.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
