come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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