My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
