I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
