My liver just broke up with me...
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
