Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
