You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
