His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
