...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
