Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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