Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
