Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
