I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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