No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
