I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
