Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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