don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
