OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
