I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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