woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
