Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
nutella sex= disaster
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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