Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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