the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
