I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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