this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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