we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
