She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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