I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
