im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
